


The Stars Shine For You

by sithsapper



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Cheating, Depression, Domestic Violence, Drinking, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-09-17 00:34:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9296420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sithsapper/pseuds/sithsapper
Summary: Tyler never wanted to handle the truth about life. He wished it would all disappear, that he could hide in his shell and believe the fairy tale endings. Especially when he finally realizes the truth about his boyfriend.After a particularly rough night, Tyler ends up with an old friend that he hadn't seen in months; Josh Dun. While Tyler's broken and unsure about what to do next, Josh wants to be the one to get him back to his feet. The problem is, Josh is still in love with Tyler.





	1. Chapter 1

The sheets mocked him. 

The same ones that Tyler knew Caleb would come home to drunk and angry with lipstick stains on his collar and the stench of cheap perfume and a few too many beers. He stared at the bed with contempt, his eyes lit with a raging fire as he thought of every word he wanted to scream at Caleb but would never dare to say to anyone else; let alone to Caleb’s face.

With a sharp turn away from the bed, Tyler stalked into the bathroom and promptly threw himself down on the edge of the bathtub. A strangled and angry sounding cry came from the depths of his chest as he let his head fall into his hands. He never knew he could be so stupid, allowing himself to stay this long. The signs were all there too; the sign that Caleb never really loved him and that this was only a fling to him. It was the sign that Caleb had moved on, but also the sign that Tyler was his and that he had him in his control. It was like mother nature. Caleb was the spider and Tyler was the fly, wrapped in his tangled web of lies and deception.

Shoving the thoughts to the side of his mind, Tyler turned the water on for a shower, figuring that it could clear his mind. Even if it were just for ten minutes. Usually Caleb wouldn’t let him shower more than five minutes at a time when he were home. It was always about the bills, how Tyler didn’t make enough to help and how he might as well be the only moneymaker around their apartment. It was always the guilt and blame that soaked in, knowing that he must be right. Tyler was pretty useless. Always letting people walk over him, always giving in too easily. Slowly lifting himself off the edge of the tub, he turned to the mirror.

A gaunt face looked back at him and he almost didn’t recognize it as his own. His lips were set in a thin and straight line. His dark eyes, the eyes that should have been more lively at the young age of 24, were just the opposite. They showed exhaustion and memories that he wished to forget. His hair was in a disarray, barely combed through by his fingers when he’d gotten up that morning to Caleb’s yelling. He continued to stare, noting every flaw that his boyfriend always criticized him about about until the steam covered the mirror and he could no longer see and contemplate these things.

Slowly going through his routine, he didn't hear the signs of another person in the apartment. Which was unfortunate, Tyler would later recall. Just as he shut the water off to the shower, the bathroom door was flung open and there he stood, the man Tyler had been waiting for. With a strangled yelp, he reached for the towel on the floor.

"What are you doing?” Tyler shouted, covering himself with the small cloth material.

But Caleb walked forward and paid no mind to his words, a strange look of lust in his eyes. Dread filled every part of Tyler. He was drunk. Too drunk. He wasn’t in his right mind and Tyler knew he was an angry drunk, too. That never stopped him from provoking him, though. "Get out!" He cried, jumping out of the tub and away from his drunk boyfriend. But the small and enclosed space didn’t allow him to get far as large hands grabbed his shoulders and a mouth closed over his.

He squirmed against the body that held him too close. Caleb’s hands were hot and clutched his cool shoulders and a shudder ran through him. The hands were too hard, too rough and it was scaring him. It felt like they would break him. With a final push, Caleb stumbled back and Tyler clutched the towel around his waist tighter, the fire building inside of him.

“You don’t get to come home and just- kiss me like that! Not after you’ve been out and drinking and cheating on me, you- you asshole!”

If only words could be erased.

He’d never known such terror in the moment that Caleb stepped forward, his mouth opened menacingly as he snarled, “Cheating? Asshole? You have no right to talk to me that way. You don’t deserve a place with me. You don’t deserve to have the title of my boyfriend. I took you in out of pity, remember that? And this is how you treat me now?”

Hands trembling, Tyler shook his head. He wouldn’t let his words get to him.

“I could move out of here at any time and leave you to fend for yourself! That’s right, I know you only keep me around as a maid, here to keep you happy as your temporary boyfriend until you find yourself a spring fling at night. I could just walk-”

The harsh blow Tyler felt on his cheek sent him staggering back. The back of his legs hit the tub and he fell, his head hitting the tile of the shower wall hard. He didn’t know how to react, every part of him frozen. It wasn’t like this was a new occurrence, not at all. But every time, it scared him out of his mind. Nothing had ever been like this before, when they first began dating. He stared up at Caleb, hand shakily moving to his jaw.

But Caleb didn't look regretful. He leaned down, taking Tyler roughly by the arm and pulled him out of the tub. He begged him to stop and think this over as he was pulled out of the room. Thrown roughly to the floor, the figure above Tyler knelt over him, hands pressing down against his shoulders again. Another blow against his face had him yelling, struggling to get out of Caleb’s grasp. Then there was a blow to his chest, his ribs, his shoulders, anything that could be managed in his drunken stupor.

And then it stopped.

Caleb got up, stepping harshly onto Tyler’s hand which made him whimper, before leaving the room.

“You’re a fucking disgrace,” he shouted over his shoulder, nearly bumping into the doorframe on his way out.

Tyler stared after him, watching him go through the short hallway to the kitchen and grab his keys. The front door crashed against the frame as he left. Tyler couldn’t move. His heart was pounding and his head was spinning. His hands were shaking and his eyes were watering. He didn’t expect this.

It’d never been that bad. Sure, a couple punches had been thrown at him before. It’d been getting worse in the weeks leading up to that night. More often would he get angry when his advances were warded off, but it didn’t end so harshly. Just words that made Tyler crumple up in the living room by himself, tears cascading down his cheeks with silent sobs as he wondered how he would cover up this bruise the next day.

Finally pushing himself off the floor, he knew it was time to leave. Getting dressed, Tyler wondered where Caleb had gone. Maybe he was out for a drive or going back to the bar to pick up someone else for the night. Either way, Tyler wouldn’t be there when he got back.

Swiping the few items he needed from the bathroom and some clothing items from his bedroom, he shoved them into a black backpack. Then went his valuables; pictures, his phone and laptop, his journal. Taking a deep breath, he threw the bag over his shoulder and walked into the kitchen. He’d definitely need some painkillers, Tyler thought as he took the small bottle from the kitchen counter and shoved it into his pocket.

Then, slipping simple shoes on, he took the pen in his hand and scribbled onto the back of the electricity bill, 

I’m leaving. Don’t expect me back any time soon.

As he set the paper on top of the counter and looked around the small apartment he’d come to see as a home in the last year, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe this was a mistake. 

Closing the door, he headed out on his journey, unsure of where it would take him, but he was ready for a break from all the negativity that had ridiculed his life in the last few months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, so, I finally figured out how to use end notes properly haha but anyways, this is my first top fanfic and I'm really excited to have put this out!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Half an hour later Tyler was stopped outside a mini mart just miles from their apartment, but he couldn’t go any farther. Tears rolled down his face and the racked his body as he leaned forward, letting his head rest on the steering wheel.

He had nowhere to go, he’d come to realize just a few miles down the road. Everyone in his contacts had drifted away from him. It was pretty obvious why they drifted; the possessive nature of his boyfriend.

Maybe he should just turn back. This was what he deserved, didn’t he? To live this lifestyle. Maid by day, ragdoll to be thrown around and used as he should be at night. It made sense. Tyler let himself fall into this predicament. He just wished that, somehow, he could help Caleb, help him back to the person he used to be.

But no, Tyler thought as he stared blearily at the phone laying in his lap. He wouldn’t go back, not tonight at least.

Scrolling through the list with a newfound determination, Tyler realized just how distant everyone was. No, she lived in another state. He.. pretty much hated Tyler and his boyfriend, so that was a no go. He was busy all the time, probably too busy to let Tyler crash at his place. And she was a bitch, so.. Probably wouldn’t be the best person to call.

As the list dwindled, Tyler couldn’t help but find his hope doing the same thing. Name by name passed his eyes and he felt his heart dropping. His eyes nearly skipped over one in his haste and his finger fumbled to scroll back up, seeing the all too familiar name sitting there.

Josh Dun.

Best friends for many years, he’d always been there for Tyler. Through thick and thin. If he were to name everything he loved about him, he wouldn’t have enough fingers to count on. But he’d lost contact with Josh after he was controlled so tightly by his boyfriend.

He froze, finger atop the call button. Who even knew if he would help him after the incident? Or if he would be willing to?

But he was running out of choices. Finally pressing down the call button, he put the phone to his ear. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, pure anxiety racing through him with each ring.

The phone rang once, twice, and finally a third time before a voice answered.

"Hello?" Tyler recognized the raspy, low voice immediately.

"Josh?" He asked, clearing his throat slightly before continuing right away. "I’m sorry for calling so late.. but I'm.. I'm in a situation right now."

There was a pause. "Ty? What kind of situation?"

So he hadn’t hung up right away. Good. "I.." He cleared his throat, trying to get his words straight. "I don't have anywhere to go for the night."

"Wait, what?"

"Yeah."

There was another pause. Why was he always pausing? It made him even more nervous.

"You can stay here, with me, for the night."

Tyler breathed a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing his face. "Thanks. That would be amazing."

"No problem. Let me text you the address, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed before they said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.

Within a few minutes Tyler had received the message, a new address on the screen. He clenched his fists, wondering whether this really was a good idea. Did he want to go and do this? He hadn’t seen Josh in months. Who knew if he hated him? If he was only doing it out of pity? Josh was a kind soul; far too kind.

Just do it, Tyler snapped at himself. You’ve got nowhere else to go.

With an internal groan, Tyler twisted the keys in the ignition and prayed that his car would start again. The piece of junk was a mystery; it was never positive whether it would actually work. When the engine sputtered but roared to life, Tyler silently cheered, throwing the car into drive and began the few mile trek to the address he was given.

Not even fifteen minutes later he ended up in front of a small, yellow house. It wasn’t completely awful, but it definitely needed TLC. The paint was peeling, the garden could use a lot of maintenance, simple things.

Wiping his face clean from the tears he had shed, he took a deep breath and let his head fall forward again. This was a chance to break away, even just for a night. Hitching his bag over his shoulder, he clambered out of the small car and slammed the door shut, making his way to the front door.

With two sharps raps against the door, he took a step back. He kept his head down and his hands in his pockets, refusing the urge to fidget.

Seconds later the door opened and there Josh stood in grey sweatpants that hung off of his tall, skinny frame and a shirt that did the opposite. His hair was in disarray and his eyes stared down at him in a mix of curiosity and concern.

Tyler let his head raise to fully take in his best friend (or would it be ex?), feeling his stomach knot up and his mind stop working. He didn’t realize just how much he’d missed seeing the other man, his infectious smile or his bright pink hair. Except he’d changed it to blue now, something Tyler liked just as much.

Just as Josh began to greet him, he caught a good glimpse of Tyler’s face and stopped as soon as he had started. He reached forward quickly, near his jaw, and Tyler flinched away with eyes closing out of expectation of being hit. When nothing came, he slowly opened her eyes, staring into the ones that were a swirl of mixed emotion; worry, shock, and what surprised him most of all was the anger. He could see the way the edges of his mouth tipped down and how his eyebrows furrowed just the slightest bit as he concentrated on his face. This made Tyler’s heart beat pick up. Was he angry at Tyler? Tightening his hands into fists inside his pockets, Tyler realized he was struggling to find something to say.

“Sorry,” he finally mumbled, eyes flickering from Josh to the floor.

“No, no,” Josh said with a small shake of his head. “Don’t be sorry- you didn’t do anything. It’s uh, it’s really good to see you man.” He smiled partially, but it didn’t fit on his face. Not with the anger still there.

Opening the door wider, Josh ushered him inside and let the door click shut behind him. Tler stared at him for a few seconds, biting down on the inside of his cheek and noted the way he tensed up. Did he do something? God, yeah, it was a bad idea to come.

“Come with me,” Josh said after a moment a moment of silence, and the both of them walked into the dimly lit living room. He gestured for Tyler to sit down and so he did, perching on the edge of the couch. Josh passed by him and into the doorway of what must have been the kitchen. There was some tinkling of glasses and the sound of liquid being poured, so he figured Josh was making drinks.

Letting his eyes wander around the room, she noticed the drumset in the corner that had a few cans of energy drinks scattered around it. Pens were scattered across the coffee table in front of him and some designs were laying out. His mouth twitched up into a smile. Yeah, still the same Josh.

But as he continued to look around the room, he saw a set of pictures on the wall that caught his eye in particular. One was of Josh after graduation with his siblings. He used to be so close to Josh’s family, he mused. Shaking this thought off, he noted the next picture. It was of Josh and a happy boy, smiling brightly at each other. It took a second for him, as he stared at it, to realize that… that boy was him. A... younger and happier looking version of him. Standing from the couch, he shuffled forward, taking the frame off the wall.

Tyler looked so happy. His mouth was open as though he were talking, a hand resting on Josh’s shoulder. Josh was staring at him with a smile that was like the sun, his arm around the back of the couch that they sat on. He was staring intently at Tyler, as though what he was saying was the most important thing in the world.

And as Tyler stared at the picture, he began to realize that he dumped all of this for one man. One man who swept him off his feet and made him feel like he was a king, a man who treated him perfectly. And when he put everything into this man, every ounce of love and loyalty and trust that he could muster, Caleb dropped him. He took Tyler for granted. The threats and the hitting and the guilt trips and how he forced himself onto Tyler caused him to become a hermit. The same four walls that had once made him feel safe and protected that now made him feel like a prisoner, he realized as he thought about his apartment with Caleb.

It was because of Tyler’s foolish mistake that he lost the things that should have mattered the most to him. How could he have been so stupid? He should have seen past that facade that Caleb put up for so long.

But still, Tyler loved him. He loved him so much that he couldn’t think about leaving him, about letting him fend for himself, about him hurting anyone else because Tyler was the one who made him that way. Tyler didn’t follow the rules or the expectations that had been put in front of him and it was his time to pay for it. He could help Caleb. He knew it. It would take time and effort.

Before he could lose himself any further in those damning thoughts, a hand on his shoulder made him tense up until he realized it was just Josh again.

“I remember that ,” Josh said after a moment, his voice sentimental. “It was a really hard day at work when you came over with a shitload of junk food, some movies.”

He laughed softly at that, staring at the picture. “Yeah, I remember,” he murmured. “Cheesy action movies, and you thought it was pretty stupid.”

“It was,” Josh insisted. “But, watching it with you made it bearable. And I can’t really pass up the chance to watch Nicolas Cage mess up another role, sooo...”

Looking up, Tyler grinned at Josh. He smiled back at him and after a moment he took the picture and set it back on the table. He led Tyler by the arm to the couch and sat down, waiting for him to do the same. Tyler sat down and held his hands in his lap.

Josh offered him a mug and he took it, looking down into a dark brown liquid that he recognized as hot chocolate. Holding the warm mug carefully in his hands, he kept staring into the liquid as the steam rose into his face, knowing what was coming next.

Heart to heart discussions.

He didn’t fare well with those.

It was a few moments before anything was said.

“I know this might be… personal… but something’s wrong, and I can’t help you if we aren’t honest to each other. How did you get that.. well, that bruise?”

Looking up, he raised an eyebrow. “Bruise?” she blurted, wondering what exactly he was talking about.

“You have a bruise,” he gestured to his cheek. “Right here, on your cheek. It’s kind of swollen, and really red, but it’s turning kind of purple too.”

He rose a hand to his cheek and realized that he hadn’t even bothered covering the evidence this time. Caleb had hit him pretty hard and there was no way to slip out of this one.

Tyler really didn't want to talk about this. Not now. So, speak the truth or lie to protect the one person he loves?

As he stared off into space, trying to decide what to do, Josh’s next few words broke him down.

“Please, don’t lie to me,” Josh’s tone was broken, dejected. He stared at him, his eyes not full of anything other than utter care and kindness and sympathy.

It was the concern that Tyler hadn’t seen in months that hit him so hard. In a matter of seconds, tears were falling down his face and he couldn’t form the thoughts to form the words he wanted to trust Josh with. He was utterly lost, he realized, and he couldn’t even pick up the pieces to what was broken.

Arms reached forward and wrapped around him, arms that felt so strong and reassuring. He sobbed brokenly into them, wanting nothing more than for this lonely and painful feeling to just leave already.

So while he broke down, Josh simply sat with him, reassuring him and making sure that he wouldn’t fall any farther.

As the tears began to slow and he started to come to a realization of oh god he just broke down like a baby in front of the best friend he hadn’t seen or talked to in months, he also realized that Josh was holding him closely, a hand in his hair and a hand resting gently on his back. It calmed him before he could get too worked up over the situation.

Becoming quiet, he let himself rest his forehead against Josh’s shoulder. He was feeling emotionally drained from the amount of crying he’d managed in the last hour alone. Hands took the mug out of his, pulling him back into the embrace that made him feel safe.

“I’m sorry, Ty,” Josh whispered. “I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

“It’s ‘kay,” he mumbled back, sniffling. “I’m just- I’m tired. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow.” Not that he wanted to, still after breaking down right in front of Josh. With that thought he pulled away from Josh, wiping his eyes with the soft material of his sweatshirt. He didn’t deserve Josh’s comfort. Didn’t deserve his help.

Josh sighed, but didn’t argue, much to Tyler’s relief. “Alright. I’ll get you some blankets and a pillow.”

He stood up and left the room.

Tyler watched him go but as he turned back around, another picture had him freeze.

It was of a beautiful garden with flowers of many kinds and colors decorating the stone walls and the ground. Two figures were in it, standing inches apart and staring at each other. Their faces were bent towards one another’s and they were grinning widely.

One had pink hair and the other had long, flowing blue hair.

‘Josh and Ashley’ read the caption with a red heart following their names. ‘11/3/14’.

Josh re entered the room with a bundle of materials in his hands, setting it down on the floor.

“Ty? You alright?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Yeah, yeah. Uh, you have a girlfriend?” Tyler looks up at the other man, standing up as he did so.

“...Oh. Yeah, Ashley. She uh, she lives here too. She’s an aspiring musician, though, and travels a lot with her other friends. She’ll be home in a couple of days. Three, to be exact.”

“Oh,” Tyler nods, letting his head dip down. Of course things would have changed when he left. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that Tyler had cut off communication. It wasn’t Josh’s fault that he hadn’t told Tyler he had a girlfriend or that he moved into a new house or that he seemed to have built what looked like a new life for him and was happy and way better off without Tyler.

“I’m happy for you.”

The words were genuine. But they felt hard to say past the lump in Tyler's throat.

“Thanks, man,” Josh said with a small nod, though there’s really no indication of gratefulness appearing. “Well, uh, I’ll let you get settled in and everything. Bathroom is down the hall, first door on the right. My bedroom is the second door on the right. If you need anything, um, just come on in, alright?”

“Yeah,” Tyler mumbled as Josh walked back down the hall. “Thanks.”

Maybe Tyler wouldn’t fit in anywhere outside his little life built for him with Caleb. Maybe it was better to leave as soon as he could and go back to Caleb. It was decided, then, to Tyler. He would spend the night and, in the morning when he knew things wouldn’t be as rocky, he would go back to him and leave Josh to the happy life he’d made for himself.

Yeah. It would be for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter! Yay! I've got one more prepared and ready to be posted and then I'm going to have to start editing the others, but hopefully with the snow days and long weekend that I have it'll make it far easier to get those started and done.
> 
> Thank you again for reading! <3


	3. Chapter 3

It was way too early in the morning, Tyler thought to himself as rays of sun shone through the blinds and onto his face. With a groan, he covered his eyes with his forearm and turned so that he was pressed up against the back of a- wait, a couch?

Eyes snapping open as he pushed himself into a sitting position, the initial alarm left his body as he realized he was in Josh’s house.

Swinging his legs over the side of the couch, he put his head in his hands and sighed heavily. Yeah, last night was a mess. A huge mess that Tyler didn’t know how to fix.

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Josh called from the kitchen. “I was wondering when you were going to wake up.”

Tyler looked at the entrance to the kitchen where Josh stood in pajamas still, his back to Tyler. He was standing at the stove, cooking something that smelled wonderful to Tyler’s hungry stomach. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “I was pretty tired, I guess.” He ran his hands through his hair, noting to himself that he really should get it cut. It was a mess. “What time is it, anyways?”

“Nearing 10 AM by this point. I thought maybe you’d want some breakfast. I only know how to make omelettes..”

“Omelettes are good,” Tyler cut in quickly.

There was a delay in Josh’s next response, almost as though he were analyzing Tyler’s own reply. “Okay. Well, they’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

“‘Kay. I’m uh, I’m gonna use your bathroom.”

“Yeah.”

Tyler stood up, wincing at the way it strained his ribs. Yeah, whatever damage Caleb had done the night before was really starting to show up now. Thank god he’d taken those painkillers with him. Taking his bag, he shuffled into the bathroom and let the door shut softly. He began his normal routine, but the routine seemed so.. off. He wasn’t woken up at the crack of dawn to make breakfast, wasn’t rushed out of the bathroom, wasn’t given a lecture or anything.

Add it to the growing list of things that Tyler was conflicted about and soon it would overwhelm him.

However, Tyler couldn’t keep his eyes off the large, angry bruise that took up the lower left portion of his face. It was shaped into a fist, a large one at that, and there was really no misunderstanding there. A man had done it. If Josh were smart, he could piece together the puzzle. And Josh was observant, more than Tyler had ever liked. Raising his shirt, he could see bruising littering his torso as well. The next week was bound to be hell, he thought to himself with disappointment.

Walking out of the bathroom in a new pair of pants and a large sweatshirt, he padded into the kitchen where Josh was just setting out the two plates of food.

“Your phone’s been ringing an awful lot,” Josh mentioned casually. “I’m surprised you didn’t wake up to it.”

Oh shit.

Tyler spun on his heel straight back into the living room, grabbing the phone from the end table.

(12) Missed call(s) from Caleb Hawthorne

FROM: Caleb  
1:09 AM  
wher r u/? 

FROM: Caleb  
1:11 AM  
tyler anser me now

FROM: Caleb  
1:46 AM  
i swear tyler i’kk come aftrer ur ass

FROM: Caleb  
8:21 AM  
Tyler, seriously, where are you? I’m not fucking around. Get back home.

FROM: Caleb  
8:30 AM  
I’ve called you like 20 times. You better be dying or dead or else you’ll wish you were. If I learn you were out with someone, you’re going to so regret it.

“Oh my god,” Tyler groaned, slumping back down onto the couch. “I am so in trouble..” Once he was home there were only a few things that could happen. Either Caleb would be in a forgiving mood (which was highly unlikely with how angry he sounded, even sober) or he would absolutely kill Tyler for going out without his permission.

It wasn’t like either one of them were thinking clearly last night, though. Tyler had just wanted to leave. He still didn’t want to go back if he were being honest, but where else was there to go? Plus he had to get out of Josh’s hair as soon as he could.

“What do you mean?”

“Jesus, Josh!” Tyler yelled, jumping when the man appeared out of what seemed to be thin air behind him. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what? Dude, I was right behind you the whole time,” Josh eyed Tyler suspiciously, setting a hand on his hip. “What’s going on? Seriously?”

“Don’t be right behind me then,” Tyler mumbled, running his cold hands over his face and relished in the way they felt against his warm face.

Josh raised an eyebrow. “Tyler. What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

“What, 12 calls and.. are those drunk texts? That’s a definition of nothing?”

Flipping his phone over, Tyler scowled. “It’s none of your business, Josh.”

“Yeah. Just like nothing in the last 5 months has been,” Josh said flippantly, crossing his arms over his chest. Ouch. That one hit Tyler a little hard. “I mean, you stopped talking to me. Then you show up at my house with nowhere to go and a bruise on your face, acting like a ghost appears anytime I touch you or talk to you. But that’s none of my business, right?”

Tyler shook his head and stood up. He couldn’t deal with this. The walls seemed to be closing in on him. Why did he always ruin good things? Everything seemed to be okay with Josh. He should have just kept his mouth shut. “It was a bad idea to come here,” he managed to say without choking up pathetically. “I should- I should go. I need to go.”

“Really, Tyler? You’re just going to run from this?”

“I’m not running from anything!” Tyler snapped as a flare of anger ran through him, turning abruptly to look at Josh. “Stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, Josh!”

“Where it doesn’t belong? Tyler-”

“No, stop. I don’t want to hear it.”

Josh scoffed, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you. You have family and friends and you still choose to go back to-?”

“You don’t understand! Stop acting like you know everything. You don’t know,” Tyler could feel the tears pricking his eyes, fighting to keep his cool. Josh didn’t understand what he and Caleb really went through. Didn’t understand the trials and the stress. He had no business trying to act like he understood their messed up yet still functioning relationship. He could fix it, dammit, and didn’t need anyone to try and define what their relationship was. It was already hard enough.

“Then make me understand, Tyler! Why can’t you let me help?”

Because I don’t need it. I don’t deserve it.

“Because I don’t want your help.”

“Really? Then why’d you call me last night, asking for somewhere to stay? Why did you crash on my couch? Why were you practically falling apart right next to me?”

Clenching his jaw, Tyler grabbed the strap of his bag and swung it over his shoulder, looking anywhere but at Josh.

“Tyler, I’m not even kidding. Do you want me to beg? To plead or something? Tell me what happened. Talk to me. Did Caleb do this?”

“He’s been under a lot of stress-”

“So he did hit you.”

“I didn’t say that,” Tyler backpedaled, realizing his mistake. Josh’s glare made Tyler groan and sink back onto the couch, holding his head in his hands. “Yes, okay? Is that what you want to hear? He hit me. But in his defense, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have made him mad. I never listen to him- I mean, just leaving the apartment..”

“Ty, you realize he’s pretty much abusing you, right? Not even ‘pretty much’. He is.”

Tyler looked up into the dark brown eyes that seemed to stare straight through him. He averted his gaze, feeling as though staring into them for too long could reveal every secret that Tyler had and needed to keep.

“It’s not. Stop being so dramatic. Everyone goes through hard times-”

“Hard times?” Josh asked, bewildered. “You do realize that hard times do not result in your partner leaving a nice mark on your face, right? It doesn’t result in neglecting you best friends for months until you break down and have had enough. I- I don’t exactly know what to do, Tyler, but I know that you need help and fuck, Ty, you really need it. You deserve it. Can you just- just let someone take care of you for once? Stop fretting about the world. Take care of you.”

Tyler’s hands were clasped together in his lap, gaze upon them. He wanted to believe his words, wanted to take comfort in them. But he couldn’t, couldn’t let himself fall into those words and believe them. Hadn’t Caleb lured him in with some spiel like that?

“I love you, Ty,” he would say, wrapping his arms around the smaller man with a smile that could rival the sun. They would sit for hours on end, Tyler letting Caleb in on all of his insecurities and doubts and fears. Caleb would reassure him, would let him cry until he had no tears or talk until he had no more words. Always about how he would help Tyler defeat those demons of his mind.

He had in the beginning.

Now Tyler was too much of a clingy mess that the original Caleb had disappeared. He hated Tyler’s insecurities and played on them a lot.

Josh knew what kind of a fuck up he was and if Tyler were to stay around too long, the same thing would happen.

A hand reached out, covering his own hands that were fidgeting. His head snapped up to look at Josh again.

“Tyler, please. He’s not good for you; understand that. I love you. I care about you. Stay with me,” he whispered, hand squeezing Tyler’s.

“I can’t,” Tyler finally mumbled. “I love him. I owe so much to him, I can’t-” Standing up abruptly, he wiped the tears forming from his eyes. “I need to go home.”

Josh looked absolutely heartbroken and Tyler couldn’t stand to see it. It didn’t make sense to his brain why the other man could look such a way.

“Just.. be careful, okay? And if anything happens,” there was a brief pause. “Send me a text. My place is open to you, any time, Ty.”

“Got it. Thanks, Josh. For everything.” Without waiting for a reply, Tyler left the house as quickly as he could, ignoring the tight feeling in his throat and the tears falling rapidly down his cheeks, telling himself he wouldn’t come back. No matter how bad things were, he wouldn’t give it to Josh as a burden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super proud of this chapter; it's kind of angsty and packed into one awkward conversation the morning after, but it's supposed to segue into even more angst and trouble for Tyler that then leads him back to Josh. This was just kind of setting up their relationship, creating a base for them to build off of before the real drama starts and leads them back to each other. Which sounds really cheesy. But trust me, despite how iffy this chapter is, it'll get better (at least I think so lol).
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	4. Chapter 4

Opening the door as silently as he could to the small apartment, Tyler prayed that Caleb was passed out by this point. As far as Tyler could tell, he was sober, but it was still way before he would normally be awake on a weekend. The calls and texts had stopped halfway home (and after a crying fest when Tyler pulled to the side of the road, but he wasn’t going to admit that), so they were a good indicator that Tyler was safe for the time being. Letting his bag hit the floor next to him, he walked slowly to the kitchen to get himself something to eat.

The sight of Caleb’s back to him made his blood run cold, whatever notion that he might be okay slipping from his mind.

“Where the hell were you?” Caleb asked, his voice insinuating that there would be consequences for any wrong answer and Tyler knew he would probably not like them. At all.

“What, no hello?” he asked meekly, stepping into the kitchen and made sure to keep his distance. Opening the fridge, he noted to himself that grocery shopping was on the to do list. Taking an apple, he shrugged. “I went to a friend’s for the night.”

“Who?” Caleb turned, holding a clear glass that was filled with an amber liquid, filling Tyler with disappointment and dread. Only 11 AM and yet his boyfriend was already drinking. When was he not, though? When was he actually sober enough to love Tyler properly? He wanted to grab the glass and throw it. He hated how drastically he changed when he was drunk, the never-ending possibilities of what Caleb would show up this time. 

“Josh,” he finally mumbled.

“Jesus, Tyler, what did I tell you about mumbling?” Caleb snapped, slamming the glass down on the counter and made Tyler flinch.

“Josh,” he said, louder this time. “But it’s okay I just crashed on his couch and nothing happened I swear, Caleb-”

There was a split second of near silence before a glass was thrown a foot away from Tyler’s face, crashing against the cupboard and splashing what smelled like whiskey against his face. He couldn’t move, frozen in absolute terror as he stared up at Caleb.

Tyler used to love the color red. It was supposed to represent passion and romance and he’d always loved those ideas. Now it just reminded him of anger. For example, the red shade of Caleb’s face as he stalked forward towards Tyler, hands balled into fists, definitely reminded Tyler of fury and violence.

“I can’t fucking believe you, Tyler! What did I tell you about that good for nothing punk, huh? I told you to stay the fuck away from him. He couldn’t keep his nose out of our business and he was always looking at you funny. He was gonna steal you from me. I can’t believe you would betray my trust like that. After all of this, our whole relationship, that’s how you treat me? Huh?”

All the words that Tyler wanted to scream in his face ran through his mind but out came, “I’m sorry.” His tongue failed him, relying on the instinct to automatically apologize.

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything, Tyler. You always apologize but you keep messing this up. I wish you’d just fucking listen. Give me your phone. I’ll be the one to fix this.”

“What? Why?” Tyler stared at him with wide eyes, taking hesitant steps backwards. This didn’t sound good, especially not with a partially drunk and angry boyfriend.

“Did I fucking stutter? Give me the damn phone.”

“No.”

It was Caleb’s turn to stare, freezing mid-step. “I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me no. Give me the phone or I’ll take it.”

“Why do you have to be so… so awful?” Tyler cried, tangling his hands in his hair in frustration. “What happened to you? You never used to be like this! Now all you do is drink and go out to bars and yell at me! What did I do, Caleb? What happened? I want to fix this! I want things to go back to how they were. Please, please please please. Tell me.”

“You want to know what happened?” Caleb stepped forward, grabbing Tyler’s wrist tightly in his hand. Tyler knew pure terror was all over his face. He was giving in to Caleb’s tactics. “You, Tyler Joseph. You’re a fuck up. Ever wonder why people stopped talking to you? Why your friends don’t give two shits about you and the only person you have is me? It’s because all you do is ruin everything, you worthless fuck. You can’t clean, you can’t cook, you’re dead weight, you’re a prude, you’ve got absolutely no future. You’re lucky you have me.”

Tyler shook his head, refusing to cry in front of Caleb. “Yeah, I’m so lucky,” he spat.

A sharp smack across his face had Tyler stumbling sideways.

“Add your smartass mouth to the list,” Caleb snapped before muttering under his breath, “Fucking worthless, I swear to god.”

Tyler was too stunned by Caleb’s entire speech to stop him from walking around Tyler and grab his bag, dumping the entire contents out onto the floor. There was rummaging, ripping sounds and mumbling. Tyler stayed rooted to his spot, eyes closed and jaw clenched to keep from making any sound.

It was quiet for minutes before there were footsteps out of the kitchen, yet Tyler still refused to move. If he did, Caleb might come back in and scream at him or hit him again.

Half an hour must have passed before Tyler opened his eyes again and stumbled out of the kitchen to his bag, looking at everything strewn across the floor. His journal had been torn apart, every entry and poem in pieces and the binding of the book bent so badly that it was irreparable. Pictures were in pieces, his laptop didn’t seem too banged up but it was his only way to work and help make money for the two of them. Caleb must have realized at least that much through his rage. His clothes were stomped on and a few shirts were ripped apart. The vibration from under a piece of cloth caught his attention and he fell to his knees beside it, seeing the cracked phone lit up. 

Unlocking the phone, he scrolled slowly to find the start of the conversation to an unknown number.

FROM: Unknown  
10:43 AM  
Let me know when you get home safe, okay?

TO: Unknown  
11:21 AM  
Do us both a favor and delete my number. I don’t want to talk to you, never have. There’s a reason I stopped talking to you in the first place, now respect it and leave me the hell alone.

FROM: Unknown  
12:05 PM  
Ty, you don’t mean that. Please talk to me. What happened?

FROM: Unknown  
12:05 PM  
Don’t shove me out anymore. I missed you. I just got you back, why are you telling me this? This isn’t you.

FROM: Unknown  
12:07 PM   
I swear to god if this is Tyler’s joke of a boyfriend I’ll kick your ass. Ty deserves better than you.

FROM: Unknown  
12:09 PM  
Tyler, please.

Tyler felt like on average, most of the last year of his life was filled absolutely of confusion. Especially surrounding his relationship. Most boyfriends weren’t as demanding, weren’t as hurtful and terrifying as Caleb. Yet he blamed it all on Tyler for his change. That he wasn’t this way before, he was a good person but now he was only angry at the younger man for holding him back. Tyler held him back from a good career, a family, a house in the suburbs where he could hold large barbecue parties with his golden retriever at his feet and his wife to serve cold beers to all the men and gossip with her friends and for the children’s laughter to echo in the air-

Tyler couldn’t give him that.

Tyler liked it before he met Caleb. Things weren’t as confusing. Tyler had Josh, he had his family, he’d overcome his depression, he’d been going to the local community college and he was frigging happy. For the most part.

What did Tyler do to end up in this predicament?

Oh, right.

He was a fuck up.

Sometimes he wondered if the world was better off without someone like him. He only caused trouble.

Josh never thought he was, even in his darkest times.

“Josh?” Tyler would ask, late at night as they sat in the treehouse behind his family home with his best friend by his side. Their arms brushed as Josh turned his head to look at Tyler, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, what is it?”

“You ever think there’s life out there? In the stars and stuff?”

Josh was silent for a few moments, contemplating Tyler’s question. “I mean, there could be. Who knows? Maybe I’m an alien.”

That prompted a small smile from Tyler but it faded quick, a more prominent question on his mind.

“Do you..” he trailed off, licking his lips as he tried to find the words to properly explain his thoughts. “Do you ever wonder what the world would be like if you weren’t in it? There’s so many lives as it is, you know? What’s the world, or the universe, without one more person to mess up?”

Josh turned to stare at Tyler with alarm. “You’re joking, right?”

“I.. uh, no. Well- I don’t know? It’s a question.”

Josh turned his head, scratching the back of his neck. “I mean, yeah, I’ve thought about it. But then I realized how important a life is. Every person has an impact whether it’s big or small. Sometimes it’s to save the world in some big hero way, sometimes it’s just to save another person or try to make the world better in another way,” he said with a small shrug. “I like to think that I’m one of those little heros. I want to save someone that I love, you know? Like, I love you. You’re my best friend. I would save you in a heartbeat. Physically, mentally, whatever I would have to do, right?”

Tyler nodded slowly, taking in Josh’s words.

“You’re not.. Um, are you okay, Tyler?” he asked after a few moments.

“Yeah,” Tyler said, leaning back and smiling softly and feeling like for the first time in forever, things might be okay. “I will be, I think.”

The sound of vibrations snapped Tyler back out of his thoughts again and he looked down at the phone, the unknown phone number blinking up at him.

Caleb’s snores could be heard from the next room over, passed out after his absolute rage fit.

Swiping his finger to answer the call, he slowly raised the phone to his ear. “Josh?” he asked quietly.

“Tyler! Oh, thank god. You okay? What happened? Tell me you didn’t send that text.”

On the one hand, if he said he did, he wouldn’t have to worry about hurting Josh. He wouldn’t have to worry about Josh hating him, something he wouldn’t be able to deal with. But he would lose him.

On the other hand, if he said he didn’t send it, what would he do? Would he take Josh’s help? Would he lose Caleb and the chance of restoring that love and the relationship they once had?

“I didn’t send it,” he said softly, staring at the pieces of paper on the ground with a heavy heart. “Caleb was angry that I was at your place last night. He- he was really angry, Josh. I don’t know what to do. Am I really worthless? Am I a fuck up? Tell me the truth.” His voice was breaking by the end of his demand, struggling to stay quiet.

“God no, Tyler. You’re anything but a fuck up. You’re amazing, okay? Come back. Stay with me. Leave Caleb, please. He’s hurting you. Abusing you. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be with people who care about you, okay? Please. I will beg you.”

“I don’t know if I can leave him-”

“Take a break, I don’t care. Just.. I want to know you’re safe right now.”

“He’ll be angrier,” he mumbled, casting a glance at the doorway to their bedroom to make sure that he wouldn’t be caught. “He hates you.”

“I don’t give a fuck. If he loved you, he wouldn’t hurt you like this and isolate you from your friends and family. He wouldn’t hit you. He wouldn’t do a lot of things he’s doing now.” Josh’s voice sounded distraught, emotional. Tyler wondered why anyone would ever feel those things over him. Maybe that was what moved him to make his next decision.

“Okay. A break.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angsssssssst. Honestly I kinda live for this shit. But yeah. We're kind of nearing the end of the Caleb/Tyler thing. More on to helping Tyler, living with Josh and Tyler, drama (looooads of it because it's great to read). But he's still stuck on Caleb, so it's all an uphill battle from here on out.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

A little over a half hour later, Tyler stood outside his apartment with his bag slung over his shoulder. It’d taken quite a bit of convincing to get himself to actually stand up, pack the little amount of belongings he had and leave.

The doorway stood ominously as he passed under it, almost as though it knew what he was doing and that it meant leaving Caleb and the small life they’d built there. Even if it didn’t mean leaving forever, it meant leaving presently and that was enough to scare Tyler. It meant finding some way to fix his mistakes and his flaws so that he could be a better person.

Taking a deep breath in, Tyler hoped that this was a good idea as he finally walked out of the apartment.

He’d walked into his and Caleb’s room just before he left. The man was sound asleep, thrown diagonally across the bed as though he’d passed out right then and there. His hand was wrapped around his phone and Tyler had (carefully) leaned in to read what was on it.

Risque texts with emojis that suggested that Tyler really wasn’t Caleb’s ‘one and only’ were on the screen.

He knew why. Tyler never gave him everything he wanted. He didn’t feel comfortable with Caleb like he did before, so as things got more tense between them, he’d find excuses to skip out on sex. Laundry, dinner, whatever he could.

There’d been a few times that Caleb had pinned him down anyways. Those had been the times Tyler had really thought about leaving him, biting his lip as he would plead with Caleb to think. He never did.

But Tyler was fine, now at least. And that’s all that mattered.. Right?

Sighing heavily, Tyler headed down the apartment hall, passing one of his elderly neighbors.

“Hi, Ms. Henley,” he murmured as he passed by her.

“Tyler!” she croaked, looking up as she dragged her little bag on wheels behind her. “How are you dear?”

Pausing in his steps, he shrugged a shoulder. “Doing okay. How are you? And how’s Fred?” He liked Fred. He was a grumpy old cat with no social skills. But whenever Tyler would slip out of the apartment to do grocery shopping or some other chore, sometimes he would stop by the apartment and help the little old lady out. The cat would always appear and rub around Tyler’s legs, displaying an obvious liking for him.

“Oh, we’re both doing alright. In pain sometimes but we’re making it. Say, what’s that bag doing on your back? You going for a trip? Or are you moving out?”

Tyler scratched the back of his neck. “Eh, to a degree, I guess. I’m going to live with a friend for a while, get a break from life.”

“Yeah,” the little lady muttered with a hand settled on her hip. “As in that- that no good boyfriend of yours, that’s your break, huh?”

“Ms. Henley,” Tyler said with a small, tired chuckle, wiping his hand down his face. The woman was highly opinionated, that was for sure.

“Oh dear, sorry. I get all worked up sometimes. But I’m serious, Tyler, I may be hard in hearing but I can hear his rants even all the way down the hall. I think a break is much deserved. Now you go and get yourself some good sleep and all and come back when you’re ready,” she said, a glint in her eye displaying a different message. If you do come back, he could tell she wanted to say. But she was biting her tongue and for that he smiled at her.

“Of course. I’ll make sure to stop by and see you and Fred sometime, okay?” He started to walk down the hall again.

“Yes, yes, we’ll be waiting for you. Bye now!” Tyler waved over his shoulder at her, disappearing around the corner of the hallway.

_______________

Tyler was sitting in his car in front of Josh’s house, hands tightening around the wheel with his eyes straight ahead. He felt almost nauseous with the realization that so much was changing in such a short period of time. He wanted to curl up and act like the last year had been a dream. Or maybe he’d wake up soon and find his Caleb in front of him. Not the shell of a man he knew now.

A movement from across the street broke Tyler out of his thoughts and he shook his head, scolding himself to shut the hell up. If he was going to take up Josh’s offer of staying at his place, that meant a few things.

He’d surely keep his mouth shut and know his place.

He’d work to stay there. He had little money as it is.

He’d leave as soon as Josh told him to.

With those simple rules set in his mind, ones that he promised himself he’d abide to, he grabbed his bag and made his way up the driveway to the door he’d been at the night before. It was a little dirtier looking in the daylight.

Rapping his knuckles against the door, there was the heavy pounding of feet as though someone were sprinting. The door was thrown open and Josh stepped out immediately without looking at Tyler, grabbing him in a tight hug.

It threw Tyler offguard. The younger man had to take a step back to keep his balance, words caught in his throat.

“You’re okay, you’re here,” Josh mumbled, his voice strained and emotional. “You have no idea how scared I was when I got no reply- I was about ready to come over there myself and get you. And then you answered and-” Josh pulled back, turning promptly and barely gave Tyler any more time to react. He was pulling him into the house and to the living room.

He sat down on the couch and Tyler slowly sank down next to him, looking up at Josh with wariness. “You would have- would have come?” he asked blankly.

“Well, hell yeah I would have. If you were in danger, of course I would,” he said, his eyebrow raised to hint to Tyler what he truly meant. If Caleb were the danger. “When you got home, what happened?”

Letting his gaze fall away from Josh to not see his reaction, Tyler licked his lips and thought back to exactly what had happened. “It wasn’t bad.” Josh’s look of ‘don’t bullshit me’ had Tyler groan internally, shrugging his shoulders. “It wasn’t! I mean, compared to the other stuff he’s said or done… This was nothing,” he mumbled.

“Okay, but I didn’t ask whether it was bad or whatever. I’m asking what happened,” he prompted, gently nudging Tyler with his elbow. “Don’t be scared to tell me, man. I want to know. Let me in.”

Tyler sighed, running his hands down his face. “I don’t get it, Josh.”

“What, my question?” He asked naively, staring at Tyler with a look of pure confusion.

“No- I mean- I don’t get this! The- you being concerned and stuff. You’re acting.. nice,” he finished lamely. “Shouldn’t you be mad at me? I can’t stand up to my boyfriend. I stopped talking to you and suddenly I’m back because I need help. I listened to him and let him convince to me stop talking to you and everything and I just- why aren’t you mad at me?” Struggling to keep his voice from shaking, Tyler stared up at Josh. “I’d be angry at me! I’d be livid and hurt and- and-”

“To be fair,” Josh cut in quietly, “I was a little annoyed. You’d abandoned me and cut off any communication whatsoever. I was hurt, yeah. And when you called me, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But then, as soon as I knew you needed help, I couldn’t stay upset. It wasn’t all your fault, Ty. I mean, sometimes I wish you wouldn’t let him walk all over you. But he’s the one who’s causing most of your problems. I would help you in a heartbeat, and I certainly won’t hold this against you.”

Tyler laughed in disbelief, shaking his head. “You’re too nice,” he said softly. “Too nice.”

“I’m a human being who knows when to give people a break,” Josh said in a matter-of-fact way, cracking a small smile that Tyler reciprocated. “But you still didn’t answer my question.”

“Right, um,” Tyler trailed off, deciding where to start. “I walked back into the apartment and he was waiting for me. He was.. I don’t think I’ve seen him quite that angry before, especially when I told him I’d been with you. He threw a glass, got kinda scary. He was in my face and then he went through my bag, ripped up a bunch of my stuff and then sent you that text.”

“All over you coming to my house?”

“Like I’ve said, he hates you. He thinks you’re a good for nothing punk,” Tyler said with a frown.

“The only punk around here is you,” Josh smiled briefly before going serious once more. “But no, Tyler. That’s.. not okay. Did he hit you? Set hands on you?”

“.....No.”

“That was awfully hesitant, Ty,” Josh said flatly. “Are you really sure he didn’t hit you?”

“It wasn’t too bad. Just a slap,” Tyler mumbled, wringing his hands in his shirt.

“Why do you always defend that jerk? That man is bad in all ways, shapes and forms.”

“He never used to be that way! Until I came around, at least.”

Josh scoffed. “I highly doubt that you could have done anything to change that man into a monster, Tyler. You are- you’re fucking innocent, you know that, right? Everyone likes you. You don’t have a bad bone in your body unless you’re protecting someone.”

“Hmph, shut up,” Tyler grumbled, pushing Josh in his shoulder.

The older boy laughed, pushing the other back in return. “Hey, I’m serious! Tyler, you’re not the reason for that douchenozzle’s moodswings or general tendencies to be a grand dick, okay?”

“You really like namecalling, don’t you?”

“Shut up and accept what I’m telling you.”

“I don’t know, Josh. I mean, it sounds nice. I want to believe that and all, but..”

Josh shrugged, leaning back on the couch and setting his hands in his lap. “That’s fine. You don’t have to believe it. Not right now, at least. But I’m a stubborn bastard and I will make you see what I see, you hear me?”

Tyler smiled softly. “We’ll see.”

Josh huffed, sliding off the couch so that he was sitting on the floor. “Mark my words, Tyler Joseph. Mark my words. Also, if he tries to do anything more to you, just know that his ass is getting kicked by yours truly.”

“Noted,” Tyler said with a small nod.

“Hey, you think that since you’re gonna be staying a while, we could like- make this a cool sleepover? That sounds cool. I haven’t had those in- well, in months. Last one was with you. But like, I’ve got popcorn and stuff. And movies. And blankets, those are nice. I’m sure we can make this work.”

Tyler laughed, moving so that he was sitting beside Josh. “Yeah, that sounds alright.”

_____________

Midnight found both boys awake under one blanket, a bowl of popcorn between the both of them and an awful thriller movie from Netflix playing in the dark. 

Tyler was enthralled in the movie; it was a game of cat and mouse and at every turn, the cat’s newest plan was thwarted and the mouse was granted another scene to live. He’d always been fascinated with movies like these; such simple ideas yet the plot holes and horrible twists made them ever the delight to watch.

Reaching to take another handful of popcorn, his hand collided with Josh’s and he immediately snatched his hand away, mumbling a quiet ‘sorry’.

“Oh! No, no it’s totally cool,” Josh said quickly, running his hand over the back of his neck.

“Oh.. alright.” Turning his attention back to the movie, he let the small incident slide from his mind, falling back into the movie.

“You know, I wonder how they can get caught in these situations. If they were smart, they could-”

“Shut up, Josh! Just watch the movie you idiot.”

“Ouch! I’m hurt,” the blue haired man said with a loud laugh. “Tyler Joseph just insulted me and I think I need to go cry about it.”

“Joooooooosh, it’s the good part!”

“Tylerrrrrr, this whole movie is awful.”

“Can you enjoy this masterpiece in silence? Or at least let me enjoy it in silence?” Tyler attempted to seem stern but broke character with a bright grin.

“But where’s the fun in that?” Josh said with a smirk. “I mean, I could just fuck with you for a while-”

Tyler threw popcorn at Josh’s face and, though it would have little effect on his talking, it surprised him for just a moment.

“Did you just-”

“Oh, I think I did.”

“You’re so gonna regret that,” Josh laughed, picking up some popcorn to throw back at Tyler.

“Nah, I don’t think I could regret it,” Tyler said with a shake of his head.

“I think you can,” Josh said, tossing the small handful straight back at Tyler.

Within a few throws of popcorn it turned into a wrestling match and eventually, Josh had Tyler pinned underneath him, his hands keeping the other’s above his head. They were both breathing heavily, smiles big on both of their faces.

“I missed you, and nights like these,” Josh murmured after a few moments of silence.

And there came the same feeling of guilt that Tyler had felt earlier. Somehow he’d managed to forget about Caleb, even for a few hours, and the damage that had been dealt. He’d been happy for the time being. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“No- don’t be- it’s not you-”

“Can you get off me, please?” Tyler said quickly, trying to get Josh to shut up.

“Oh! Shit, yeah of course I’m sorry um, you good, Ty?” Josh scrambled to get off him and help him up but the other boy ignored his help, nodding his head.

“Yeah, I’m tired. I think maybe I should get some sleep, it’s been a long day.”

Tyler couldn’t see Josh’s face, but he knew by the silence that Josh might’ve been beating himself up over it. Or just worrying in general. He had a tendency to do that.

“Alright,” he said. “I’m gonna, um, I’ll go then. If you need me, you know where I am and stuff… Night, Ty.”

“Night, Josh,” he murmured, listening to the other man pad down the hallway to his room.

Tyler returned to the bundle of blankets in front of the couch and sat down. His heart felt heavy now. He’d abandoned Caleb and now he couldn’t even keep his feelings in control. He was bound to hurt Josh too. Bound to do something stupid. He didn’t even know what to do now, he was so lost and confused.

So he did the only thing he could think to do. For the first time in what felt like forever, Tyler prayed. He prayed, curled up in blankets with tears streaming down his face and silent sobs coursing through him that somehow, someway, things would begin to get better. He prayed that this guilt and hurt and confusion would leave and he could be the good person he desperately wanted to be, needed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes I'm so tired. Anyways, another chapter, less angst-y. But we're moving along and stuff. Getting to the good stuff. The emotional stuff, helping Tyler, dealing with more drama, coolio.
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3


	6. Chapter 6

“You sure you’ll be okay here alone?” Josh asked just the morning after Tyler had come to stay with him, brow furrowed as he stared at Tyler from the front doorway. He was dressed in his casual work clothes, ready for another slow day at the local grocery market. “I can call in sick. I don’t want you to-”

“I’ll be fine,” Tyler said, leaning against the wall. He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled briefly as a reassurance. “Don’t worry about me. It’s only what- 8 hours? I can entertain myself.”

“That’s not what I meant-”

“I know it’s not, which is why I’m trying to brush you out that door so you don’t think too hard about it,” Tyler said, stepping forward to nudge Josh out the door. When the blue haired boy refused to move, Tyler rolled his eyes. “Dammit, Josh, I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, alright,” Josh raised his hands in defeat, backing out of the doorway with one final glance over of Tyler. “If you’re sure…”

“I am, now go before you’re late,” Tyler said in a lighter tone, closing the door as soon as Josh smirked and turned around with a wave of his hand.

Tyler locked the door and headed down the hall, head tilted down. A part of him wished Josh has stayed, had called in sick. Another part of him knew he shouldn’t be so selfish or expect so much out of Josh. He was already intruding his privacy, why should he intrude on his routine just because he was scared over something so small?

He needed to toughen up.

Striding to the kitchen, Tyler knelt next to the cabinet below the sink and started searching the various bottles of chemicals and rags for something he could use. If he was going to stay at Josh’s, he might as well make himself useful.

Fishing his phone from his back pocket, he began a playlist at the loudest volume possible and got to work.

_________________

Hours later, Tyler’s body ached and the smell of chemicals wafted around him, giving him a major headache. But the house was clean. Cleaner than it was before, at least. The floor in the kitchen sparkled, the cabinet in the bathroom shined, the dust that assaulted his nose when he tried swiping above some bookshelves was finally gone.

He let himself fall back onto the couch as soon as he’d set everything away, a content sigh that he’d made himself of some value for the day. Perhaps Josh would keep him around if he continued to do this.

Letting his eyes close, Tyler thought to himself that a small nap wouldn’t be bad. He could rest up and then go cook some dinner for Josh when he got home. Whatever he could scrounge from the boxes of instant meals in the cupboards, at least.

It wasn’t until he heard the roar of an engine pass by on the street that woke him up did Tyler realize- oh shit, it’s late. Checking his phone, the clock read 6:12. Josh could be home at any moment. Tyler didn’t have dinner ready.

Scrambling to his feet, Tyler ran to the kitchen, throwing open the cupboards to find anything he could. Tossing boxes onto the counter, he found some pasta and a container of spaghetti sauce, figuring it was the best he could do. Using a freshly cleaned pot, he filled it with water and in his rush, let water splosh onto the floor. He turned the burners for the stove on just as the front door audibly closed.

“Oh no,” Tyler whispered to himself, feeling his hands shaking and his mind beginning to spin. He needed to sit for a second-

No, he was going to deal with the consequences.

Caleb would hit him-

Caleb?

Josh. No, Josh wouldn’t hit him-

But he could kick him out. He’d be mad. Tyler couldn’t do anything right. Worthless. Useless. Idiot. Good for nothing. Deserves what he gets-

“Tyler?”

The name brought him out of his stupor and Tyler turned on his heel quickly.

A little too quick, the brunette realized just a moment too late as he turned in the small puddle of water and felt his leg slipping from underneath him, arms flailing to find anything to keep him upright. It felt like slow motion as he went down, his head smacking the cabinet door.

Tyler was in a daze for just a moment before he looked up at Josh’s surprised face, the other man dashing over. “Jesus, Tyler! Are you alright? I’m sorry-”

Ignoring Josh’s words and pushing himself to his feet as fast as he could, swaying for a moment before he steadied himself on the counter, Tyler swallowed hard and shook his head. “No- don’t, don’t apologize. It was my fault. I messed up and I was in a rush because I didn’t have dinner ready for you and I started freaking out-”

“Wait, what?”

The genuine surprise in his voice made Tyler stop and stare at the blue haired man in equal surprise.

“What?” he repeated stupidly.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re blaming yourself because you rushed because dinner wasn’t ready?” Josh emphasized the last part, a brow raised, and Tyler let his gaze drop.

“Yes…?” When he saw Josh’s expression changed, he wondered if, just maybe, that wasn’t the right answer.

But what surprised Tyler the most wasn’t a fist coming towards his face. No, the arm coming towards him instead wrapped around Tyler’s shoulders and pulling him close into Josh’s side. “Dude, hell no. That’s not your fault- I mean, yeah, I wish you were a little more careful, especially after this incident, but it’s not all your fault. We haven’t really talked as far as what’s going to happen. But I mean, I never expected you to make dinner and- hell, do I smell Pine Sol? Tyler, were you cleaning?”

“Yeah.”

“Dude. Wow. Tyler, my point is, there’s really no need to apologize for everything. Relax. And you don’t have to clean my house for me- you’ve been through enough the last few days, you can take time to relax, you know.” Josh had a strained smile on his lips, almost as though he were holding back from venting, more words in his mind that he wanted to explain (or perhaps yell) to Tyler, but he held it all back.

Nodding his head, Tyler was still comprehending those words. However, the nod seemed to be sufficient enough and Josh shooed him out of the kitchen. “Go sit down. I’ll order pizza instead.”

Tyler numbly went to the living room and sat down on the couch, taking the blanket he’d neatly folded over the back of the couch and wrapped it around his shoulders, letting his head hit the armrest. He heard Josh’s distinct voice from the kitchen and wondered just how much of a nuisance he was going to be. He had to get out of Josh’s hair, and as quick as possible.

The loud slam of a door closing followed by the steady click of heels down the hall had Tyler on alert, immediately straightening his posture. It must be Josh’s girlfriend. Ashley, he recalled. A spike of anxiety ran through him. He wasn’t sure what she’d been told about him, whether she would hate his guts or not. It seemed that it was definitely a possibility.

A long, blue haired girl stepped into the living room, nearly passing by him until she realized there was someone on the couch. “Jesus!” she stumbled back a few steps and Tyler could feel the blush spread across his cheeks, to his ears.

“I’m sorry-” he said quickly, standing up. He was already off to a great start.

“Ashley?” Josh stepped out of the kitchen, phone in hand. “Hey! I didn’t think you were getting home until Thursday-”

“Today is Thursday,” she said stiffly, scrutinizing Tyler. “Who’s this?”

Josh paused, eyes flickering between Tyler and Ashley. Yeah, Tyler could tell the girl across from him definitely did not like him. Couldn’t blame her, though. He began to open his mouth, introduce himself.

He was cut off before he could. “This is Tyler! Remember, I talked about him-”

“The same Tyler who ditched his best friend for the hot jock guy?” she asked flatly, as though she’d known who he was before Josh said anything. Probably did. She seemed like the dramatic kind. “Yeah. I think I remember a guy like that.”

“What? I- oh, It’s not like that- I didn’t mean-” Tyler began, before a sharp glare cut him off.

“Not like that? Josh was a wreck for at least a few months-”

“Okay!” Josh said loudly, catching the attention of them both. “How about we just.. chill? I ordered some pizza. Hey, Ty, why don’t you uh- find something on Netflix! Ashley and I are going to grab her bags out of the car and we’ll be back.”

“Ashley isn’t going anywhere without a good explanation as to why she came home to this,” she mocked, hands on her hips. She really was intimidating, Tyler thought to himself. But he deserved her frustration and scathing remarks.

They seemed to stare at each other, a mix of frustration and desperation. Ashley, finally, threw her hands up and without another word, stalked outside. Being flashed an uneasy smile, Josh passed by Tyler and out the door.

This was it. This was when he’d be kicked out. He knew it was coming, knew that Ashley would convince Josh of just how worthless Tyler was around here. Her words echoed in his ears. Finding himself on his feet, he staggered over to his backpack, stuffing items back into his bag with his vision blurred by tears. He told himself to stop acting like a child. Immature children cried, he was always reminded by Caleb until he learned to hide his tears until he was alone. He was an adult and would handle all situations like one.

It felts like hours, but must have been minutes until he heard the door open back up. Hands stiffly holding a shirt to his chest, he listened as the footsteps came closer. He waited for the demand. He waited to leave, to go back to Caleb and fall back into the same routine. He waited for Josh to admit he really did hate him- that he took him in out of pity, that Tyler hurt him.

That hurt more than thinking about going back to Caleb.

But it hurt most of all to think that Tyler hurt him. Tyler hurt Josh.

“Tyler?”

Tyler messed up. He messed up so horribly, in so many ways and he didn’t know how to fix it.

“Tyler!”

Dropping his shirt and spinning around, he came face to face with Josh. A concerned Josh. A look that did not make sense. He should be angry.

“Shit- Ty, you alright? What were you doing-” Josh leans around him to take a glance at his bag, haphazardly packed with items spilling out. “Are you.. leaving?” 

Tyler didn’t trust himself to open his mouth. Instead he nodded, too stuck in Josh’s gaze to look elsewhere.

“Why?”

Tyler clenched his jaw, feeling tears spring to his eyes once again. Nope, he wouldn’t cry anymore. He wouldn’t. Goddammit, he couldn’t cry-

“C’mon man, talk to me.”

“You’re going to tell me to go anyways,” he finally got out. “I can tell I need to leave. I was just trying to make it easier.”

“Tyler, no, I wasn’t going to ask that of you. We weren’t going to,” he said, looking back at Ashley. “There was a misunderstanding. I never explained to Ashley what was going on. She gets protective, but her intentions are good. She gets a little too extreme sometimes. I promise.”

Tyler looked up to see a more neutral gaze upon him from the blue haired woman, almost kind if he looked closely. “I judged before I knew the situation. Josh didn’t explain everything, but he gave me an idea that it wasn’t all your fault. I’m sorry for being so harsh.”

So.. he wasn’t kicked out? He was going to stay. At least, that’s the idea he was given by their words. Trying to comprehend this, Tyler nodded slowly, reaching up to wipe away the tears from his face. “Thank you,” he said after a few moments and a smile spread across Josh’s face.

“So, are we good?” Taking a look at both of the people in front of him, he clapped his hands. “Good! Let’s go watch some Netflix and wait for pizza.”

______________________________

Just after midnight, Josh was in bed with Ashley, his arm wrapped around her small waist as she curled into him. He stared up at the ceiling, finding that he couldn’t sleep. No matter how many times he counted sheep, his mind wandered back to Tyler.

He looked like a little scared dog all day. One wrong move and he could run. It scared Josh to see his best friend of so many years in such a situation. Tyler used to laugh all the time. He cracked jokes and had a dry sense of humor, sarcasm always his favorite mechanism. He had a selfless persona. Music was his passion. He was absolutely amazing inside and out.

Until Caleb.

And Josh wished that he’d clung onto Tyler just a little bit harder. He wished he’d asked him out when he first realized he liked him. He was too cowardly and afraid that Tyler would hate him in return. He was only his best friend, after all.

Josh still loved him. There was no doubt about it. He only wanted to see Tyler smile, to see him laugh and feel loved and be genuinely happy again. He wanted to smash Caleb’s face in for hurting someone like Tyler.

Deciding that he needed a glass of water to try and clear his mind, Josh removed himself carefully from the bed so as to not wake up Ashley. She sighed and mumbled something in her sleep before turning over, burrowing further into the pillow.

Josh loved Ashley too. He’d fallen in love with her outgoing and bold personality. She was amazing. He just didn’t want her to get hurt. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt in this situation. Ashley was too good to him, helping him out of the funk he’d been in once it seemed like Tyler was gone for good. She encouraged him and was loving. He wished this could be easier. Except life never really worked that way.

Padding out of his room and towards the living room, he heard a quiet voice coming from the living room and stopped just outside the entryway. The closer he listened, he heard more of a rhythm to the words. Like a poem. He missed Tyler’s poetry.

“I want to drive away.  
In the night, headlights call my name.

I, I'll never be, be what you see inside.  
You say I'm not alone, but I am petrified.  
You say that you are close, is close the closest star?  
You just feel twice as far, you just feel twice as far.”

His voice broke on the last word, a sob escaping him. He didn’t speak and Josh felt compelled to leave, to give him the space and privacy he deserved.

Until a single word, uttered so brokenly and in desperation was heard. “Why?”

Josh slipped into the living room. The brunette sat in front of the couch, legs curled up to his chest and forehead resting against his knees. His shoulders shook and the sounds of soft, broken cries were the only other sound in the room.

Making his way over the couch, footsteps loud enough to be heard, Tyler’s head raised up to look at Josh.

“Oh! I’m- am I being too loud? I’m really sorry. I’ll-”

Josh knelt next to Tyler and pulled him into a hug that he was sure could leave Tyler without breath. But he knew Tyler needed it, especially when the brunette seemed to relax into the hug after moments of hesitation and debate in his own head.

Josh wanted to break through that wall. He knew it would take time, but he could only take it one step at a time.

Tyler’s crying ceased after a while, his grip on Josh relaxing until Josh was sure he was okay for the moment. Opening his eyes to look at Tyler and ask if he could get him anything- tissues, water, another blanket- he had to smile partially, seeing Tyler fast asleep.

Gently, he got him back onto the makeshift bed of the couch and spread the blanket over him.

“Night, Ty,” he whispered before returning to his room. Slipping under the sheets, sleep seemed to come easier this time, knowing that he’d do whatever was necessary to help his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, it's been a few months. Writers block hit me hard and with many events and some not so happy things going on, it was gradually getting tougher to get this chapter out. A lot of this was just pure angst and I'm not sure how I like this chapter, but I'm excited to say there's more Josh and Tyler happy interactions in the next chapter. :) As soon as I'm able to finish the last part of it and get it edited, the next chapter will be up.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has given this work kudos, commented, or bookmarked it. It makes my day to see that!
> 
> -rustystars


	7. Chapter 7

Sitting across the table from Ashley, stirring the soggy bits of cereal with no real intentions of eating it, he could feel the tension rising as moments passed by. Josh had left by 8 that morning, sending glances at Tyler that made him cringe. He didn’t want to be pitied like that after last night. It was only time before the other man got annoyed and kicked him out.

Taking a peek of the blue haired woman in front of him, he couldn’t help but think to himself that she was beautiful. Almost like a goddess. The way the blue hair cascaded over her shoulders, her eyes seemed to pierce anything or anyone she turned to look at, her swift motions left him looking like a bumbling idiot. She looked so self-assured. No wonder Josh had fallen in love with her. They were both.. wow. Clearing his throat, Tyler started to speak.

“So you-”

“Thanks for-”

There was a split second of silence as the two of them looked at the other. Then Ashley cracked a smile and Tyler relaxed, reciprocating with a small smile of his own. “Sorry. Um, what were you…?” He trailed off, cringing at his own words.

“Oh. I just wanted to thank you for cleaning. Josh can get messy when I’m not around. I never know what to expect when I walk through the door,” she said, her mouth quirking up into a smirk as she looked down into her coffee. “He’s an idiot. With good intentions.”

Tyler watched her closely, brows furrowed. The words weren’t said in a demeaning manner. He wasn’t used to this. She loved him. He could tell. “You mean, you’re not angry over it?” He can’t help himself, the overwhelming curiosity pushing the words out of his mouth. “If the house isn’t clean, I mean..”

“No?” she answered quizzically, tilting her head to look at the man before her. “I mean, sure, it can be frustrating. But I’m not going to scream at him for forgetting to wash the dishes sometimes. That would be silly.”

Tyler couldn’t seem to comprehend what she said. “Oh,” he finally replied, though his face expressed thorough confusion. 

“Why do you ask?” she raised a brow, her piercing eyes upon him. It was almost like she could see through him. He didn’t like it. It felt as though if she kept staring, he’d break under the pressure and admit to every possible thing he’d done wrong. Like the test he cheated on in college and felt guilty about for weeks after. She would be a good detective, he mused.

“Oh, uh, it’s nothing. Just not something I’m... completely familiar with, I guess.” Then he pauses, chewing on his lip for a moment. He couldn’t stop himself from launching into his next, naive rant. “But honestly, why aren’t you upset with him? Even yesterday, when you realized he brought me home you- you didn’t yell at him or throw things or- or just generally act awful. I don’t- I don’t get it.”

There was an edge to her face that softened, the corner of her lips turning down. “Normal relationships don’t work like that, Tyler. I hope you realize that. You’re allowed to get angry and argue. Even healthy relationships have their spats. But partners... They shouldn’t yell at you or hit you. That’s not okay.”

Normal?

Well, he thought that his relationship had been normal. But a lot of things had been turned around in the last week or so concerning his ideas of what a relationship should be, so he supposed he wasn’t too surprised. “Right,” he said meekly, letting his spoon drop with a ‘clunk’ to the glass bowl. “Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away.” He stood up with the bowl and walked the few feet to the sink, rinsing out the bowl before setting it in the dishwasher.

“It’s fine, Tyler. No need to apologize.” He heard the heavy scrape of the chair across the wood and the thump of her feet as she moved towards the coffee maker, pouring yet another cup. “I’m probably going to go word on some things in my room. There will probably be company coming over tonight, just to let you know, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Tyler said, turning around to flash her a quick smile. She did the same before leaving the kitchen.

Leaning against the counter heavily, Tyler ran his fingers through his hair. He wished life wasn’t so confusing.

________________________

Hours later found Tyler outside, sitting on the porch steps after working in the small garden outside the house. He’d weeded it and raked it, making the mulch and woodchips look less dug into the garden and a little more lively. With a few flowers and bushes, it would look nice. He wiped the sweat from his brow. Despite the cool autumn breeze, the sun hadn’t let up in its harsh rays. Not that Tyler minded. He loved being outside, especially on his good days.

Tilting his head back with his elbows set on the step behind him, Tyler felt like he could stay out here forever. The steady rumble of an engine pulling into the driveway and cutting off made him look up, squinting into the sunlight that shined directly on his face.

Josh stepped out of the car, clad in shorts, a muscle tank top, and some converse. Sunglasses covered his eyes but not the smile that he had when looking at Tyler. He walked up the pavement to the porch steps and sat down next to Tyler, falling into the same position as his friend. “‘Sup?” he asked casually.

Tyler could feel his stomach twist with the reminder of the night before. He’d been crying his eyes out, curled up as small as he could make himself and the sorrows of everything had been written across his face. He was at his most vulnerable. The late night thoughts that made him question his existence were always ones that he chose to endure alone- he didn’t deserve the love or comfort. He was worthless. Always so worthless.

“Tyler? Come back to earth, man,” the soft voice brought him back out of his thoughts.

“Sorry, um,” Tyler took a moment, sitting up and rubbing his face with his hands. “What did you say?”

Josh followed suit. “Just asked what’s up. You okay, man? You seem out of it.”

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “I’m fine, really.”

Josh studied him for a moment longer and Tyler didn’t like the scrutiny, turning his head away.

Finally, the older man gave in. “Alright,” he said, leaning back again. “Ash is having a few friends over tonight. They get pretty rowdy, so I figured that y’know, we could go out and do something. Get dinner, hit the arcade, watch a movie... Anything at all. Your choice, my man.”

Tyler gave a weak smile at the suggestions. “Why don’t we go for dinner and a walk around town?” he asked. He wanted to take advantage of the good weather while he could.

“I think that’s a good idea, yeah. Let me go get changed and cleaned up then we could head out, okay?”

The two of them stood up, making their ways inside to get ready. Mainly, Tyler went in to put concealer on the bruise that still stood out on his face as well as to get a sweatshirt and shoes. By the time Josh stepped back out, Tyler was sitting on the couch, swiping through text messages.

FROM: Caleb  
11:31 AM  
Baby, I miss you. I’m sorry. Come home, please.

FROM: Caleb  
12:56 PM  
Josh is never going to treat you right like I do. He doesn’t deserve you.

FROM: Caleb  
2:43 PM  
Come on, Ty. So I got a little drunk the other day. We’ve worked through things worse than this. Don’t tell me you’re giving up now.

He hadn’t even gotten any messages up until today. For a while, Tyler thought Caleb had forgotten all about him. Or just gave up. Both were possibilities.

Tyler wasn’t sure where the change of heart came from.

“Ty, you ready?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you outside. Just give me a second.”

A moment of hesitation met his request and he looked up to see Josh eyeing his phone. The man, finally, nodded and turned around. “Right. I’ll just wait out here.”

Tyler let out the breath he’d held in, clicking the new message button. He stared at the blank space, fingers itching to find something- anything to type. What could he say? Hey, Caleb, no problem. You used me as a ragdoll for the last few months but I’ll come home right away? Hey, Caleb, I want to hate you but everything in me tells me to stay with you?

Scoffing, he leaned back, scrunching his eyes shut and let the phone slip from his fingers. Yeah, no. Raising the phone once again, the message was short and simple. Straight to the point.

TO: Caleb  
5:46 PM  
I love you, Caleb, but we need a break right now. I’m sorry.

Slipping his phone into his pocket and walking out the door, Josh was waiting for him with curiosity written all over his face. “You cool there, Ty-guy?”

“Yeah. I think I’m alright,” he said with a solid nod. “Let’s go.”

__________________________

The sun was low in the sky by the time they made it into the main part of town. Walking side by side in comfortable silence, they decided before they left that the little pizzeria down the street from their favorite coffee shop was a good place to eat. What was better than grease, cheese, and pepperoni?

Maybe a milkshake.

Other than that, not a lot.

Settling into the little restaurant and waiting for their order, Josh took one of the napkins and began tearing it into shreds before rolling them. “So, I’ve got this work party next Saturday. It’s kind of lame- just all of us employees and the store managers and everything. Mostly for morale, y’know? When you work in a place like a grocery store, well, things are bland.”

“Mhm,” Tyler responds, watching Josh’s fingers work deftly on rolling the shreds of the napkin.

“And Ash is supposed to be... hell, I don’t know. She’s always off doing her own thing that I can’t keep up sometimes. But, as much as I like some of the people there, I don’t think I can handle it. I probably won’t even go, y’know? It’s really lame anyways.”

Ashley seemed to be a very free-spirited figure, Tyler noticed. She was quite different from Josh. While Josh was independent and a free thinker and all, she took it to a new level. She was blunt and stern. She knew what she wanted and how to get it. While he was sure she could be empathetic once breaking past that shell, Tyler wondered exactly what caused her to put up that barrier in the first place.

“How did you meet her?” Tyler blurted, eyes raising to Josh’s face. “She’s so, uh, beautiful and amazing. She seems like such a good person..”

Josh looked to be taken aback by the abrupt question, his face showing it in his wide eyes and furrowed brows.

“Us? Oh, it’s not that big of a story. We met at a local concert and hit it off nearly immediately. Kind of an 'I like you, you like me' thing. She’s… amazing, she really is,” Josh smiled softly for a moment before it was replaced with an opposite feeling. One of more frustration and confusion, seemingly falling into his own thoughts.

“So are you going to propose to her?” Tyler asked, the thought causing a twinge in his chest.

“Uh.. maybe. I don’t know. I haven’t gone down that road yet, and we’ve got a lot on our minds, you know? We’re still deciding if- if we have the same interests and aspirations that will allow us to stay together and all.”

Before Tyler could get much farther into his questioning, the waitress bounced by and set the pizza down, letting them know that she’d be around if they needed anything.

Instead of continuing his game of 20 questions, Tyler took a piece of pizza and started nibbling on the end.

The rest of dinner was quite uneventful. They joked and talked casually. Finally, Tyler’s mind began relaxing out of its defensive phase from the night before. Maybe Josh wasn’t going to be quite as upset as Tyler thought. Maybe the other man didn’t pity him or look down upon him. It was his imagination going whack. He was sure of it.

After paying, the two of them stepped back out onto the street, the sun nearly gone behind the horizon. Orange, pink and dark blue was splayed out above them. The street lights were lit for the pending darkness and people milled about, talking and laughing. Some were sitting outside cafes with cups of coffee, others were standing in the park just across the street with children running around.

Tyler and Josh wandered the streets with the beautiful view ahead of them, but their minds and eyes weren’t upon the sight before them.

Tyler could feel Josh’s eyes on him, and in turn would look back. The blue haired man smiled sheepishly and looked away. Tyler would do the same, tucking his hands into his pockets.

“I haven’t had a night like this in forever,” Tyler commented, tilting his head back. “I know it’s simple, just walking around town but I missed this kind of simplicity before..” Before. He knew the before, Tyler didn’t have to explain it.

“Right,” Josh murmured. “I.. yeah, I get what you mean. But it’s fine because now this.. this can be the norm again.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agreed, smiling softly. “It can be.”

Josh smiled back before wrapping a strong arm around Tyler’s shoulders.

Caleb’s arms were strong, too, but they had never wrapped around Tyler in such a caring away. Instead, they pushed him away and hit him. He once used his arms to love him, but then his arms only wrapped around him to pull him onto the bed, only to hold him down and listen to his pleas and cries. 

Josh was kind. He was soft. He was like the hints of color decorating the sky- a masterpiece.

He could remember the treehouse again, the hours they would spend in the evening. The blanket that covered them both while a bowl of Doritos was the only barrier between them. Cheesy fingers and bright smiles as they watched the sun go down and watched the same exact colors Tyler could see now until the sky was a pitch black with only stars to shine down on them, the moon winking from the center of the sky.

Sometimes it was darker than that in the treehouse. Tears and frustration spilled over and there were kind touches and strong arms to keep Tyler anchored to Earth. Sometimes it was vented words and the touch of Tyler’s hand on Josh’s back that kept his mind from traveling too far.

They were good for each other, he always knew that.

The things he couldn’t discuss with anyone else, he could always talk to Josh about.

“Hey, J?” he asked one afternoon, his notebook tucked into his lap. He hadn’t written a single word yet, the page looking drearily sad as it stared up at him.

“Yeah?” Josh didn’t look up from his game, the tip of his tongue peeking out the side of his mouth.

Tyler shifted, closing the book and setting it to the side. “I’ve been thinking about some things. Like, relationships and stuff.”

“Are you talking about Jenna?” Josh asked, pausing the little handheld console to focus on Tyler. Jenna had been Tyler’s girlfriend and, even after their breakup, one of Tyler’s good friends. “You two have been dating for a few months, right?”

“Uh… yes and no. Not just her. I mean the deep thing. Like, um, sexuality.” By that point, his entire face had been red and his eyes were focused on the floor. “‘Cause I love Jenna. I know I do. She’s amazing and.. I know I love her, I do. But I dunno. There’s this guy I work with and his name is Caleb and he flirts with me sometimes. I think I like him, Josh.”

The only response he received was the flash of desperation in Josh’s eyes before a smile, albeit it looked fake. “That’s okay, Ty. Maybe you do like him. Maybe you’re bisexual. I am, and it’s fine. It’s confusing, I understand that, but I’m here for you, okay? I can help you if you need it.”

Tyler sighed in frustration before nodding his head. “Okay, yeah.” There was a pause and Josh was about to resume his game, but Tyler interrupted him once more. “Josh-” he said quickly. “You can say no- I wouldn’t care but- uh- could I- y’know-”

Josh raised an eyebrow. “No? I don’t know.” He had a small grin on his face at the way Tyler stuttered and tried his best to get what he wanted out.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted, biting his lip with embarrassment written all over his face.

Josh stared at him for a moment and immediately Tyler had thought that it was a horrible, awful idea and he should have never-

Warm and soft lips pressed against his while hands cupped his face. It almost felt like sparks and something like a magnet was pulling them together. The kiss was wonderful and felt right, oh god had it felt so right-

Pulling out of the memory, Tyler stopped walking right where he was in the middle of the sidewalk. Josh was pulled to the stop as well, his arm lowering from where it had been on Tyler’s shoulders. “Ty? What’s up?”

Why had Tyler never felt that spark with Caleb? Why had it been when he kissed Josh? He couldn't love Josh. He was in love with Ashley and Tyler, well, he still loved Caleb. He was being irrational. He didn't love Josh, and if he repeated it to himself enough times, it would be true. There had to be some explanation for the spark and the way he felt kissing Josh. Perhaps it was because he was nervous?

“Tyler!”

“What?” he snapped, turning to look at Josh with a glare. His face softened at the look of surprise that met him, licking his lips and shaking his head. “Sorry, um, I was thinking. Let’s keep walking.”

He missed the look of confusion and hurt on Josh’s face, dealing with his own inner conflict as they continued walking around the street-light lit town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another late chapter. My bad.
> 
> I was struggling with how I could keep a more.. fluffy chapter in here?
> 
> But it was more of a filler than anything. And a little dramatic. Can't stay away from that drama.


	8. Chapter 8

The lights of the house were on and there were shadows of people moving through the living room, showing to Josh and Tyler that Ashley very well did have friends over.

“Should we go in there?” Tyler asked quietly, eyes wide. He’d had plenty of, well… bad experiences with partners and friends over, especially when they were drunk. Condescending comments as he was told to fetch this, do that. He purposely tried to find errands to do during those parties, but it always backfired on him.

“Why not?” Josh asked with a shrug. “It’s fine. They’re good people, if it’s who I think it is. Just a little weird. Some ends loose, but, like I said, good people.”

Tyler raises an eyebrow but otherwise doesn’t object, following Josh up the pavement to the house. He could hear yelling from the inside, followed by raucous laughter and the heavy thumps of feet.

“-Ash, I ain’t fucking kidding. That fucker was- he was shitfaced and outta his goddamn mind!”

When Tyler and Josh entered the room, he peeked over Josh’s shoulder to see a group of people spread around the living room with bottles of alcohol and snacks spread around them. There was Ashley, of course. She wasn’t wearing her same sweatpants as this morning, but had bold makeup and clothing that showed off her body fairly well. Then there was a taller, in-between muscular and lanky man with gelled hair laughing his ass off. He had… a rather large forehead, Tyler noted nearly immediately. Turning his gaze, he noticed a girl with bright orange hair and an equally fiery grin on her face, shaking her head at the man with the gelled hair. Next to her was a man in a fedora, slumped on the couch. He seemed smaller, at least smaller than average for a male. And on the floor was a man of equal height but a more muscular frame and tattoos crawling up his arms, reminding Tyler of the ones that decorated Josh’s. Except he liked Josh’s more.

Turning his head back towards Josh, he barely caught a glance of the slight downturn of his mouth before he flipped it back up. “Looks like you party animals gave up the party early,” Josh said dryly, stepping over a half drunken bottle. “Just got wasted.”

“Hey, if it isn’t my man!” The wide-forehead man yelled, standing up on shaky legs. He took unbalanced steps forward and threw his arms around Josh, a cigarette dangling from his fingers. Tyler got the smoke in his face, coughing as he turned his head away from the musty yet sharp smell burnt his nose.

“Ah fuck- who’s this guy?”

Tyler’s eyes widened, glancing from the guy with the cigarette to Josh. Words seem to die on his tongue, mouth opened like one of those fish mounted on the walls. “Uh..”

“Shit dude, it ain’t that hard of a question. You’re kind of- kind of cuuuuute. Yeah. Can I just call you Jim? You’re kind of boring. Need some hair color or piercings like Joshie here.” He looked thoughtful (as thoughtful as a drunk and blunt guy such as him could get).

Before he could get any farther, the girl with bright hair snorted. “C’mon, Brendon. Leave him alone. Terrified the poor thing.”

Brendon seemed offended, stepping back with an incredulous expression. “Excuse me?! I am anything but terrifying. I’m like one of those Costco bears- the fuckin’ huge ones. I love those things. They could, like, eat you, Hayley. So that means I could. So shuddup.”

“You’re bright,” Hayley deadpanned, shaking her head before looking back at Tyler and Josh. Josh looked to be in between irritation and amusement more than anything. He couldn’t help but wonder if this were a normal occurrence. Tyler, on the other hand, was completely lost. He still didn’t know who two of these people were and from what he could tell from Brendon’s drunken stupor, they were… quite the bunch.

Ashley stood up from where she was perched on the dining chair dragged in from the dining table, heels clicking against the floor before clapping Brendon hard on the shoulder. “Sit down, you fool.” With a pout, the man did so, dropping onto the couch and took a long drag of his cigarette. “This is Tyler. He’s one of Josh’s friends and he’s staying with us. That’s Brendon, Hayley, Patrick, and Pete and yadda yadda… Want some drinks?” She leaned down to pick up the bottle at Josh’s feet, grinning as she presented the bottle with a flourish of her hand. “It’s goooood.”

Tyler stared uneasily at the bottle. While Brendon was amusing drunk, he didn’t have many other good experiences. Memories of broken glass, torn skin and balled fists made him freeze for a moment. Scratching the back of his neck, he hid this feeling behind a small, faked smile. “Oh, that’s alright. I don’t drink.”

Pete snorted from where he sat, eyeing Tyler with a look that made him nervous. “Loosen up, dude. It’s just a glass of whiskey.” The shorter man (Patrick, Tyler recalled) reached down to flick Pete in the ear with a heavy sigh before letting his head fall back again and closed his eyes.

“Shuddup, Pete,” he mumbled. “Maybe he just doesn’t want to drink with these strangers, especially after Brendon’s not-so-welcome greeting.” Everyone ignored the noise of indignation from the corner of the couch

“That’s the fun of it,” the man grumbled, rubbing his ear with a glare at the ground.

“Tyler’s just not an idiot like some people here,” Josh said loudly with a glance straight at Brendon, arm wrapping in what felt like a protective way around Tyler’s tensed shoulders. Neither one of them moved any closer to each other, but he seemed to relax under the casual touch. “Wouldn’t want to ruin the night anyways.”

Ashley hummed, sitting back down on the chair with her legs crossed and the bottle cradled in her hands. “What did you two do?” she asked, reaching to grab her glass and pour herself another helping of the amber liquid.

Curious eyes turned towards the two who were still awkwardly standing at the entrance of the room, making Tyler shift his weight and look away awkwardly. “We went and got some dinner. Went out for a walk. Nothing much.”

“Yeah, he’s always been boring when it comes to date ideas,” Ashley joked, leaning back as she took a sip of the whiskey. “That’s good though. Brendon, I swear to god if you don’t get your dirty ass shoes off my coffee table-”

“They’re fucking CLEAN, you-”

Collective groans from the members of the room made Tyler smile, taking a glance at Josh who smiled back at him. Patting his shoulder, Josh moved to find a seat and he did the same.

_______________________________________

By the time midnight had rolled around, Ashley and Hayley were passed out, clashing hair colors colliding as they snored on the couch. Josh and Patrick were sitting in the kitchen, talking quietly about some kind of music thing that Tyler had given up trying to eavesdrop on. Pete also sat at the table, but it seemed the man was close to hitting the hay as well, his arm barely holding his head up and his eyes drooped considerably. Meanwhile, he glanced at Brendon who was sprawled on the floor, staring blankly at the ceiling.

“Yo, Tyler,” he blurted, turning to lay on his stomach and look at him. “You got a boyfriend?”

Tyler blinked, shifting the the wooden chair. “Uh, kind of. I don’t know. It’s… complicated,” he finished lamely, letting his eyes shift from the dark haired man to the pictures on the wall. Complicated enough that his mind still hadn’t figured out what he wanted, what he needed.

“Earth to Tyyyyyylerrrrrrr,” Brendon drawled, pushing himself up with shaky movements into a sitting position. “You gotta stop that.” He looked seriously at him, eyebrows drawn together, and Tyler wanted to laugh because it was a funny looking pout. Especially with how drunk he was. He could only wonder what the other man was like sober.

Tyler shook his head, his lips quirking up into a half smile. “Sorry. Habit to start thinking. But yeah, I guess I’m having a bit of a complicated relationship. Why do you ask?”

“‘Cause you’re cute,” the man said bluntly, hands slapping to the ground. “Like, you got that kind of like, cinnamon look. You know? Like, the brown. Cinnamon. I like cinnamon. Shit, I want a cinnamon roll. Can we get cinnamon rolls?

Well. Alright.

Tyler’s mouth opened, then closed, then opened again as he struggled to find the words to say after the quick subject change. “Cinnamon rolls?” he finally managed, and the man in front of him sighed.

“I didn’t stutter, did I?” he asked impatiently, clumsily getting to his feet. “Sounds good.”

Getting to his own feet, Tyler figured it wasn’t a bad idea. Cinnamon rolls did sound good, but the whole… ‘you’re cute’ thing tripped him up. Maybe something spontaneous was good for him, even if it was with a drunk as hell guy coming with him and that spontaneity was getting a sugary treat at midnight.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “Yeah, cinnamon rolls, let’s go.” 

Walking into the kitchen to grab his keys from the counter, he glanced at the two men talked who looked up. Shifting his weight as their conversation ceased, he offered a small smile. “Hey. Brendon and I are going to get cinnamon rolls. I don’t know if there’s any places around here open but uh, he seemed adamant. Want anything?”

Patrick smiled before Josh could reply. “Oh, no, that’s okay. Pete and I should probably get going. Thanks for letting us come over, Josh. And please, tell Ashley too that we said thanks.” Eyes flickering to Tyler for a split second before giving Josh a pointed look, he shook Pete’s shoulder to wake him up. The man grunted and stood up, muttering a goodbye before following the shorter man out of the room tiredly.

There were a few moments of silence between Josh and Tyler before Brendon came bouncing back into the room. “Those cinnamon rolls aren’t- uh, shit what’s the saying? Something about making themselves.” Ignoring the puzzled looks of the other two, he sighed impatiently and stamped his foot on the ground. “Tylerrrrr, how long does it take to get keys?”

Grabbing the keys off the counter and jingling them in a dramatic fashion, Tyler glanced once more at Josh. “Cinnamon rolls. You in?”

With a laugh in reply, the blue haired man stood up. “Yeah, I’m in.”

“I call shotgun, bitches!” Brendon yelled, running for the front door.

__________________________

An hour later (and extensive googling of which places could be open this late that serve cinnamon rolls), the three of them ended up in the Taco Bell parking lot with a cheap cinnamon roll substitution. Fingers coated in sugar and the radio playing some kind of new, weird pop song, all three men found themselves in a deep, riveting conversation.

“I am telling you, dude, nothing beats X-Files. Hands down, best sci-fi show. Aliens. Need I say more?”

“Okay. But, I present to you, Stranger Things. This isn’t a joke, Josh. That show is a masterpiece.”

“Aliens and supernatural, Tyler,” he protested, leaning forward over the console from where he’d been seated in the backseat. “Like, god, that show is life.”

“But there’s the demogorgon-”

“The demo- what?” Brendon interjected from where he’d been trying to follow along. “Look, you’re both fucking nerds. We get it already.”

Leaning back in the car seat, Tyler crossed his arms over his chest while Josh turned to Brendon and scoffed. “These are super important issues, man. Don’t patronize us.”

“Yeah,” Tyler agreed, turning to share a grin with Josh.

“Okay, you losers. Let’s go. I feel like I could sleep for like- a million years. Maybe two.”

Rolling his eyes, Tyler twisted the keys in the ignition. “Yeah, yeah, old man.”

“What the fuck did you just call me? You little punk I swear-”

___________

Dropping Brendon off at his apartment (and making sure he made it inside and onto the bed before he did anything stupid alone), Tyler and Josh walked back into the chilled night air. Tucking his hands into his pockets, Tyler leaned against the hood of his car, looking at the stars. “It’s nice out,” he said. “I like the stars. And constellations. But I only know those three- Orion’s belt. We did this stupid unit in third grade about the stars and that’s the only thing I remember. Mainly because it was my assigned project, Orion. I don’t remember anything about it, though. I remember a bear too. And those spoon constellations, you know what I’m talking about?”

Josh came to lean against the hood with him but didn’t look up, gaze trained on Tyler. He could feel the gaze burning into him and looked to Josh quizzically. “What? Was that stupid to say?”

Except, instead of a verbal response, Tyler was greeted with a physical one.

Warm, soft lips pressed against his. They tasted of a mix- sugar and cinnamon, alcohol, and something that just tasted like Josh, if he had a taste. Hands cupped his face, gentle, like being careful not to break him. 

And Tyler? He found himself leaning into the unexpected kiss, eyes fluttering shut as he found himself in the moment. God, it felt so right to kiss him. Like sparks could fly, time could pass and he could stay there forever.

Except the kiss ended as fast as it had began. And Josh looked like he regretted everything, his eyes wide as tears gathered in them and his mouth shaped into an o. “Oh my god, I shouldn’t have done that. Ashley- god, she- I- fuck, that was a bad idea. I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why-”

Tyler swallowed thickly, pushing himself off the car and interrupted the tipsy blue haired man. “Get in the car, Josh,” he said softly, feeling like his heart had shattered into a million pieces.

And he couldn’t understand why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops
> 
> turned from a nice night to a heckers what happened night
> 
> :)


End file.
